Kiurious Tales by a Curious Lady

Discovery Channel

2010-12-28T20:43:00.000-08:00

I just saw this incredible commercial. It made me tear up. It's good.

Funny song

2010-10-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

So Russell and I found this super funny song online. I've had it suck in my head all day. But I do want to explain that this song is not about being gay, it's about the gay things you say to your friends to be funny. Like when Ryan says he is bringing Russell to the party as his date so that I wont take his attentions...

Winner

2010-10-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hey, so I knew the giveaway would be between the two of you and that's just fine by me :) I am still working on the centerpiece which I am hoping to make out of the Turquoise I picked up at an abandoned mine on the day of my geologic mapping final. Which is a great story btw.

I was in what I fondly called the "remedial mapping" group. We were the few that our professor would keep close while everyone else was wandering. He checked our maps more often, and usually they were wrong. We were also not as fast as everyone else and often lagged behind our former military classmates. We had one day to practice before we were on our own with the blank paper map which was our final. I stayed near the professor all day trying to clean up my act, but really, I knew the final would be particularly hard for me. The day of the final, we were grouped "randomly". I saw right through that. We were actually grouped by ground speed. The former-military were in one group, athletics in the next, slow-but-good-mappers, and then myself with the slow-but-not-so-good-mappers. We took our final, and yes I was slow, but I also received the top grade! And that is something I will always be proud of. My professor and TA were very happy that I blew their expectations out of the water.

Anyways, I picked up a bunch of rocks on the way back from that trip and I am hoping to turn them into something cool. Maybe they will be ready by Christmas :)

Making Jewelery!

2010-10-09T20:44:00.001-07:00

So I have decided I need more hobbies. I thought I would start sewing more quilts and such first, but...

A few months ago I found these pearl and rock beads at a garage sale...

They've been just sitting on my desk until...

I was looking through my rock and gem magazine (yup, geology magazines) and saw some beautiful WIRE WRAPed jewelery.

IDEA!

Bought wire today and started just wrapping.

And I love it!

So!

I am doing a giveaway!

One of those stones will be the centerpiece.

Here's a close-up:

And it really hurt my fingers so I will stop typing now (first thing tomorrow I am buying bottle-nose pliers).

Leave a comment on what color rock you think would be best for the center piece.

Growing up?

2010-10-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

In college, I took a Psychology 101 class. A lot of those lessons stuck with me and I think of them fairly often. One of the classes was about cultural milestones. As in, doing this means you have passed into a new phase of your life. Many Native American tribes celebrate their milestones by receiving a new name. Well, if I were Cherokee, I would have a new name now. I imagine it would be something like "Running Crazy" or "She-who-has-no-life-outside-work".

But that is not the point of this blog. I wanted to share a few thoughts about growing up and what that means. Growing up. Means. Absolutely nothing.

Because we never stop growing up. For my entire life I think I have thought I was grown up. Started going to school, OK now I'm grown up. Started wearing pants and a backpack to school, OK now I'm grown up. Had my first boyfriend, yep this is it. Started driving, officially grown up now. Went to college, I am so grown up I can't stand it. Graduated college, can I stop now? Got my first real job, OK, I'm grown up enough. Got my first promotion at my first job, really... uh... can I stop growing up now?

My point is, when is grown up really grown up? Even while I am struggling with the concept of never reaching the mighty "grown up" status, I am thinking about more of life's milestones.

Marriage, ya that's pretty grown up.

Children, wow for sure that means you are fully-grown.

A career, retirement, old-age, those concepts are just too far to fathom for me, but really? When I'm old, will I have finally grown up?

I sure hope not :)

Hey mom! I see your town

2010-07-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hey mom, Is this at that gas station the twins always stop at? It sortof looks like it. If it isn't this MUST be around there somewhere :P

feeling wierd

2010-07-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling weird about this. I saw it on post secret today and I almost definitely recognize this photo. I had a whole bunch of them. taped up to my walls in my room. I loved pictures of the sky. This picture looks a lot like one taken by an ex-boyfriend of mine. It makes me feel really weird and nostalgic or something. Because ya, even if this isn't the same photo, or person, it really does immediately remind me of him. And that's not exactly a good thing for me. I'm not sure a person ever gets over their first love, even if they have moved on.

How do you feel about your first love?

I needed that :)

2010-04-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

After a long day I came home, took Helo out, then sat at my computer. I then checked The Women's Colony. I then laughed for a good long time as I read THIS

I have feeling that Allie and I would be The Bestest of friends. Man, it was funny. And exactly like something I would write when I'm feeling silly. These days, I just feel tired.I hope you go there and read it. It's good.

PS. I went to her website. I REALLY started cracking up after I read THIS. It's called "How a fish almost destroyed my childhood" It reminds me of a horrible, horrible version of the fish story I once shared. Anyway, I liked it alot...

Here’s to Letting Go

2010-04-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

I wrote this last year and I think I shared it with you, but I never put it up and claimed it as mine. I really like it, and I think I'm ready to be out with it. So here goes.

I cried for an entire day yesterday. A morning of sobs, an afternoon of deep breathing. It was my aunt’s birthday. She died of cancer 11 years ago.

I was twelve, I think. We were at my aunt’s house; we had been coming over increasingly this summer. My mother knew we didn’t have much time. I was playing Lincoln logs with my sister and three cousins. My mother came in. We knew before she said it. Her face told us without a word, “She’s gone”. My cousins ran and clung to her, their mother’s sister. My sister got up in slow motion. The five of them left the room, crying together. And I smiled. I laughed. I couldn’t stifle my giggling. I was horrified.

I ran to the bathroom, making sure no one saw me. I should be in there, crying with my family. Not watching this caricature smile in the mirror. I felt awful. I repeated to myself, “You are sad. This is a sad situation. This is not a proper reaction. She is gone.” Gradually, I was able to wipe the smile from my face. I checked the mirror, just to make sure the frown was real. It wasn’t a frown, it was blank. Close enough. I crept down the hall into her room.

She was very pale. She looked soft. Everyone was crying and holding each other. My uncle was making phone calls, informing the relatives. And I was blank faced, looking at the scene unfold. I played sad pictures in my head, anything sad I could think of, just to get myself to cry, to appear normal. And I did cry. And I kept on crying today.

This was one of my most secret of secrets. If I told anyone, it would be in a reverent whisper. And that person would shrug and say, weird or huh. I’ve lived for years thinking I am a terrible person who enjoys death. I’ve felt so guilty about it. It is one of the worst things I have ever done. Until yesterday.

I cried and cried when I read my mother’s blog about her sister. I thought of my sister, and I can’t imagine losing her. My cousins, without their mother. And I cried some more. I couldn’t stop, I felt so guilty for laughing when I should have been crying. So I spilled my guts to my mom.

She did not respond as I expected. She didn’t cry, she didn’t yell, she just said in her soothing, mom-voice, “It’s ok. It is normal. It’s a normal reaction. Lots of kids who can’t cope with realities of death have strange, out of place emotions.”

I don’t know if I am relieved. I still have a lingering sense of guilt. Why didn’t I find this out sooner? It has been years of guilt-build-up and now it’s just ok? So what? You laughed at your aunt’s death, big deal? I don’t believe it. But I do feel better. My aunt wouldn’t have wanted me to brood about the past.

So here is to the future. To loved ones who never truly leave us. To letting go. And to spilling our guts.

I win

2010-04-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

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Well I just won a giveaway over at Sue's News, Views 'n Muse . I won a beautiful set of beloved Jane Austen classics. I am really looking forward to reading them. I would have to say my friends have discussed (quite often) starting a Jane Austen book club and we loved to call random people (waiters, guy-friends, Ken dolls...) Mr Darcy back in our sillier days. Sadly (and I hate to admit this to the interwebs) I have never read a Jane Austen Book.

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Now I will be able to read them at my pace, whenever I want to! Thank you Sue!

All those things

2010-04-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

Remember all those things your mom told you about what it's like to be an adult? Ya. You know. I would like to take the time to discuss some of those things with you. In fact, I made a list that you can hopefully add to, all about those things you heard about being an adult that you really didn't understand until they happened.

8) You actually don't know everything.
Teenage response: Duh! I know that! (But really I don't)
Sensible Adult: I make it a point to learn something new every day.

7) Odds are you wont end up your first boyfriend.
Teenage response: Whatever! Johnny and I are simply MADE for each other and we will be together FOREVER! We already picked names for our children and I know EXACTLY what dress I am wearing to our wedding!
Sensible Adult: While I do know a few people (my sister included) who stay with their high-school boyfriend, the odds are against them.

6) You will not see 90% of your high school friends two years after high school.
Teenage response: That would never happen to MY friends, we are way too close to let that happen. Ever! Even though we are going to all different schools, we are going to keep in touch. We made a pact that we will be friends no matter what!
Sensible Adult: That one is spot on. It's a little easier to keep in touch now with facebook, but people change. And have new lives. And when you don't see them at school every day, you actually have to make an EFFORT to keep being friends.

5) Real friends are hard to find.
Teenage response: I have, like, 12 real friends! And even if I only stay in touch with 11 of them two years out of HS (which would NEVER happen because, you know, our pact) I make friends SO easily! I will be so popular when I am an adult that I will have to schedule lunches every day of the week!
Sensible Adult: The friends you do keep from HS are real friends, especially if you still talk six years after. But new, good friends are Hard to find.

4) You will probably end up doing something other than what you went to school for.
Teenage response: That's ok because I don't even need to GO to college to be famous! College will be my back-up plan because I am going to become a famous Actress/Singer/Writer/Whatever...
Sensible Adult: If you are fortunate, you will make it through college. If you are extremely lucky (or you know someone) you will end up with the job you always wanted. And it will still not be as great as you thought it was going to be.

3) Everyone hates their job.
Teenage response: I am going to love my job, because I will be a famous Playwright/Doctor/Lawyer/Whatever and I will love what I do! No job you hate is worth having!
Sensible Adult: If you want to pay the bills, that job is worth having. If work wasn't hard, it wouldn't be called Work!

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2) Paying the bills is hard, and some months, you just don't make it.
Teenage response: Life as an adult will be great because I will be able to do WHATEVER I WANT! No matter that whatever I want usually costs money. I have plenty of money now and when I become a famous Model/Comedian/Under-Water-Basket-Weaver... I will have even more money!
Sensible Adult: Paying the bills is hard. And some months, you don't make it. And then you call your parents :P

1) You will miss me someday.
Teenager response: Didn't you hear me? When I am an adult I will get to do WHATEVER I WANT! I will have no time to be missing you because I will have so much fun! And I already know EVERYTHING so don't THINK I am going to call you from my first apartment asking if you will tell me how took cook a potato/cake/that-thing-you-always-used-to-make-because-I-miss-home-so-much-I-want-to-cry...
Sensible Adult: I will call you ALL THE TIME. For EVERYTHING. Sometimes I call you just because. And I miss you. All the time.

Well I hope you enjoyed my post and I am now going to challenge Lauren to write an equivalent about things you heard about being a mother that you didn't understand until you were a mother. I'm sure it will be FULL of oversharing :)

I love you and I miss you both.

Scone Recipe

2010-04-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

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I love scones. So much. And I used to buy one every time we went to starbucks. Then we ran out of money and bought a coffee maker instead. It's a lot cheaper, but I do miss my scones. So I found this GREAT recipe here http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/scone-nibbles-recipe So I got up this morning and made them. Actually I made the ones out of the box. But I DID put chocolate chips in it just like in these. Next time I make scones, I will be making these. They have great step-by step pictures and really scones are delicious. Like fluffy cookies without so much sugar. Here is that link again.

More Lol's

2010-03-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

So I finally have a job! I'll write about it once I know what I am actually doing :)

In the mean time, here are some funnies.

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My favorite lolcats

2010-01-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

Here are a few of my favorite LOL's from icanhascheezeburger.com

Wet Kitten

2009-12-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

I found a home for the kitten I found out by the trash in the rain on saturday! Well, not a home exactly, but a rescue organization who is willing to do all the shots and neutering and finding her a good home. And I thought all the rescue were full here in san diego... Well, apparently they are, but one of the women (who I spoke with) said she can take one more just because she is so cute!

Sam is really getting along with the kitten now, but I still am getting rid of her. My life is just too complicated to take on more responsibilities. Even if they are one pound of stinkin' cute fluff.

It's online!

2009-12-14T16:42:00.001-08:00

My thesis is now online. Please excuse all of the "um"'s...

http://www.geology.sdsu.edu/people/students/theses/fall2009/kieri_hutchin.html

There are really a lot of um's...

Do I really sound like that? I don't think it sounds like me at all. I have an annoying voice!

final 1

2009-12-14T12:14:00.000-08:00

is today. leaving now

Application

2009-12-13T23:09:00.001-08:00

I just applied for my first full time job. Woo-hoo!

Home Stretch

2009-12-12T12:18:00.000-08:00

I presented my thesis yesterday! I can post a link to it on here later, once it is posted, maybe next week. It was pretty horrible. Maybe I wont post it. I know there were a lot of "um"s, as usual, and I relied on my notecards pretty heavily. Oh! and do you know what you get for presenting a thesis in the geology department? A beer cozy, ok maybe it's a "can" cozy for me, but everyone was calling it a beer cozy.

It says: We're not ROCKET scientists, we're ROCK scientists. Yup. Its funny. I'm going to find something to put in it and display it on my desk. It's like a little trophy. This can cozy says I graduated... Now for finding a job. Actually, Now for making it trough finals week. I've been working so hard on my presentation, I've gotten very behind on my studying.

Curlers the Irresponsible

2009-10-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

We like to take Helo to the dog park in the city. We haven't had too many problems, other than chiwawa bites. So today started as a quick stop at the park, maybe half an hour just because we were going near there anyway.

We spotted a few friends and started hanging out with the usual people. There was this adorable border collie named Bandit that kept bringing me the ball and just wanted to case it forever. He looked something like this:

Which was pretty darn cute. So I threw the ball around with him because his owner was rather elderly. And he just loved chasing that thing. In fact... he didnt stop chasing the ball for two hours. And now you might be saying, but Kieri... weren't you only there for 30 minutes?

I should probably explain that the woman who owned Bandit looked like this:

Yes. She was older and had curlers in her hair. Big Curlers... At the dog park... She was talking to a friend of mine who always brings her 5 month old baby to the park with her (Helo always licks her feet when she makes any kind of noise.) So I said hello and asked about Bandit. The lady excused herself, saying she was going to try to find a bathroom. I have no clue where the bathrooms are, so I kindof dismissed it, thinking they were close.

Well my friend left and twenty minutes passed by. I'm still throwing the ball for Bandit and I'm starting to wonder where those bathrooms are. I let the dog wander off with a guy who was playing ball with his dog because Helo is laying down half asleep already and Russell is ready to go. I look for the owner, but there are no curlers to be seen. So I told Russell the situation and realized, this woman was asking me to watch her dog when she went to the bathroom, even if she didn't actually ask.

These other very nice fellows (one of whom's dog would not stop humping helo) over heard the story and had some opinions of their own. I had been duped.

And hour and a half after sitting at this park and we are still wondering what we should do. All five of us now involved just siting at the park laughing about what had happened. Was she lost? Senile? Dumping her dog on a nice young couple? Was I senile? Did she really not exist? Until I saw an ambulance drive by. What would an ambulence be doing in the park? Unless Curlers had a heart attack on the pot! That is why she has yet to return for her dog!

The guilt set in. And the time crunch. Russell had work in a few hours. I wouldnt be able to stay that long, at which point I would need to call animal control to pick up the pooch.

Two hours at the park and I am still waiting and watching for Curlers. Helo was so tired he was just letting that dog hump him. I had Russell look up the number for the park rangers. I had typed it into my phone when I saw another pink shirt in the distance. I had seen a few false alarms now, so I didnt really think it was her, and everyone else was convinced she didn't exist. Then I saw the curlers, it was her! I was upset and relieved. She headed over to us and said "rin-tin-tin"! (which is what she had been calling helo)

Then she left.

We left too.

She didnt address me or say thanks for watching my dog for two hours. Nope. So as we were all walking out, she said she had gone to the bathroom, but didnt think it was very safe, so she DROVE HOME to go. Without her dog. Nor anyone "officially" doing so. She didnt even think I had been watching him. Grrr.

Crazy irresponsible Curlers.

Cha cha cha Chia

2009-09-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

This is so funny. I saw the comercial for the first time today. Just had to put it up here.

The Newest Thing from Chia Pets...

Thats right... Obama the chia. Gee I wonder why they haven't done this to a president before? Dont you think the Chia Bush would have sold?

So there are lots of opinions on this. One is that they never thought to make another presidential Chia. Its harmless fun and a marketing ploy. Another is that this is a racist attack on the woolly nature of black hair growth. Some stores like walgreens are already pulling this product from shelves.

What do you think. Harmless or racist?

Pictures from my phone.

2009-09-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

This summer, I ended up getting a new phone. So I had to email all of my pictures to myself. Now I thought i would share all the best ones with you.

Getting a kitten sortof coicided with getting my first ever camera phone, so I took a lot of kitten photos. Here are a few favorites.

He was so tiny. We were still bottle feeding him when we brought him home. Man its a lot of work to bottle feed a kitten every three hours.

Just a few...

And then we got our adorable puppy. We hadn't settled on a name for the kitten yet when we drove an hour inland to pick up Jessica's new puppy.

So as we drove away, "Hey there delila" came on the radio.

Rem was leaving for (it think it was) boot camp just two days after we got Laila, so the song held a certain significance for Jess. We decided on Sampson and Delila for the pet's names.

They were best buddies, although Sam always had a mean streak. They used to cuddle like that. Then they would fight and fall asleep.

This is one of my favorite pictures because these two were fighting for the "sunny spot" in the room. And just fell asleep while fighting. But they look so peaceful and buddy-buddy in the photo.

Things are different now. They basicly hate each other and it has been at least a year since they have voluntarily cuddled. Mostly after Sam's accident, everything changed.

Poor Sam got run over by a car in the early hours of the morning. It awoke in him a sort of defense mechanism, "even though I am hurt, I am still top dog." Where Laila would have some gnarly battle scars and Sam just kept on lunging for her. It's cooled down a little, but Laila always has at least one scratch on her belly.

Anyhow...

It was only last summer that we drove south to pick up Helo.

That was his first night, when Russell was still being strict with the "no dogs on the bed" rule. Pfft... That lasted about a week.

He was our little bear cub, so we call him helobear

or helocopter

or helomonster...

He loved the car!

He would whimper like a baby til we hit 45mph.

But he's not a baby anymore. But as I look at those pictures side by side, he still has that same "look".

So that is what I take pictures of on my phone. Does it surprise you? Oh, there were no people pictures? Yes, I think someone was in one of those photos... No? Oh, ummmm here's one...

What, there's a cat blocking his face?

Hrmmm... I didn't want to post this one but you leave me no choice...

There. The only picture on my phone with no pet in it. It was just too good not to keep :)

Good Food

2009-09-11T08:49:00.001-07:00

I mad this recipe last night and it was heaven. Probably a little calorific, but it was gooood. So I thought I would share it. I found it here But I didnt think to take a picture last night. We made pasta on the side and poured the alfredo sauce the chicken was baked in right on top.

Alfredo Crumbed Chicken

Serving: 6
Prep Time: 45 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 70 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
6 Chicken breasts
2 egg wash
1 Cup Italian Bread Crumbs
olive oil
vegetable spray
6 slices ozzarella cheese
large can mushrooms, drained
jar Five Brothers Alfredo sauce
1/2 cup white wine
garlic powder, to taste
parsley

DIRECTIONS:
1. Dip chicken breast in egg wash and then in Italian bread crumbs coating completely. Lightly brown on both sides in olive oil over med high heat. Remove from skillet and place in a 9 x 13 inch baking dish that has been coated with vegetable spray.

2. Top each breast with a slice of mozzarella cheese, you can use shredded, and a large can of mushrooms which has been drained.

3. To a jar of Five Brothers Alfredo sauce, add 1/2 cup white wine and a teaspoon or less of garlic powder to taste and some parsley. Stir to blend well.

4. Pour over chicken breasts and bake for about 20-25 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through and the cheese is light golden.

Our "Day Off"

2009-09-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

The Fourth (maybe fifth?) day was our "day off" so to speak. I think we got more done on our day off than any other day we were there (mostly due to rain). We saw a bunch of road cuts, hiked through the Bishop Tuff, stopped by Mammoth ski resort, hiked two craters and toured Mono Lake.

The Bishop Tuff was deposited when a volcano erupted creating Long Valley Caldera. It covers 2,200 square kilometers of area, which is a big bada boom.

We hiked down this really long road (yes paved road, leading to water treatment plant I think)

The tuff is really cool because it is very colorful (making it easy to identify) and we found this columnar jointing. This happens at a certain specific temperature and pressure thresh hold creating hexagonal columns in the tuff. The most famous example being the Devil's Postpile.

Mammoth was a bummer. We were supposed to take a gondola ride to see everything, but the resort was closed. So this is the only picture we got.

A two hour drive for a statue of a mammoth. Excellent.

Then we went to Two Craters on the way down from Mammoth, all discouraged, but happy we didnt have to pay $30 to take the ride (I know more than a few classmates were planning to skip it).

The lovely Nicole with one of the two craters behind her.

It wouldn't be worth seeing if we didnt have to hike to get there.

Or crutch to get there.

Here is everybody looking out at the lake at the bottom. It was a very peculiar shade of green. After a while, we started throwing rocks at it to see whose could splash the most. Geologists will be geologists after all...

I will save Mono Lake for its own post because it is just that cool. And come to think of it, maybe we didn't do all that in one day. That would just have been crazy for a day off :)

A trip I took a while ago.

2009-09-05T08:35:00.001-07:00

That is my advanced field class our second day.

It dawned on me today that I never shared pictures of my advanced field trip with you. The trip was spectacular, by the way, even without showers or running water. Well there are soooo many pictures I can only share a few. In segments.

We went to the Poleta folds behind the White Mountains to map. We didn't get too many pictures though because it rained so much (also we were too tired to care). But here are a few from the first days when it didn't pour.

A big panorama of the field site.

This is called rattlesnake ravine. between everyone we saw two rattlesnakes and ten possible rattlesnakes. I ran too fast from the sound I heard to even check, lol.

This spot was called Hell Hole. Mostly because it is hard to map, I still don't think I was able to figure everything out.

Oh, and this guy is Chris also known as crutchy. He did the whole week on crutches! They lost their rubber soles and he tied socks around the arm gaurds by the end of he week. What a trooper!

And our other capable TA Jon, looking at his bunny friend. They were tremendous help with everyone so spread out across the mapping area.

Lunch on the first day, with everyone eating together.

Lunch on the third day, my little group of three found DK (Dr. Kimbrough)to eat lunch with and check our map stuff, but other than that we would have no clue where anyone was. If not for our walkies that is. Oh, and to illustrate my point, that red circle is Jon way out in the distance.

I may have to many pictures for this post already, but here is one last picture of the White Mts.

Its been a while

2009-05-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

Hey, it has been some time since I last wrote, and really I don't have time to write much. Maybe after finals and then two weeks after that I will have some more interesting stuff for you. Until then I am knee deep in discovering the legal intricacies of this ftp://ftp.consrv.ca.gov/pub/dmg/pubs/sp/Sp42.pdf and thinking my little brain to overload about this:

To write much of anything.

So adieu and wish me luck!

Can you guess?

2009-05-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

I just thought this was an amusing story about Russell's work. Russell's manager/co-manager at work is VERY into theater. Russell found this out by singing some phantom to his kids while teaching, and W started singing along, lol. So every monday, wednesday and saturday, Russell comes to work with a new song from a musical. He sings part of the song to W, and W will guess the musical. He has tried every musical he knows, Into the Woods, Wicked, Fantastiks, even Paint your Wagon! So I started filling his brain with some of my musicals (which is probably where he got the previous ones too). Russell didn't know many of the songs, but he liked one enough to remember it, and guess what? W couldn't guess it! I thought it would be an easy one too. So let's see if you can guess it...

Lyrics are "Strong men crumble. Proud men humble. I'm the King of New York!"

Great, now I have it stuck in my head...

I no longer enjoy being a girl

2009-05-03T14:26:00.001-07:00

Nope, no longer. I'm over this having an extra layer of fat thing. I've been doing the same if not better than russell at this whole "new lifestyle" thing. I take Helo hiking, I eat salad, I go to the Gym! He loses 20 lbs, I GAIN 2. I was good all week. The only thing I can keep clinging to is, it's muscle, it's not fat. But, I still haven't lost the fat either, just gained some muscle. sigh. Why do girls have to work so much harder to lose?

And then...

2009-04-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

I dreamed about it all night long. Shells upon shells. And I would pick them out of the sand with tweezers and name them some sort of gobbledigook. Just some gibberish names. It actually woke me up. I woke up mulitiple times saying to myself, dream about anything else! I would rather have a scary nightmare than pick more shells!

What I did today...

2009-04-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to start a new on going post about the events that happened in my day...

I woke up an hour early to get to school to print a paper. Yes, I have a printer, but my computer was broken. Yes, I tried to set it up to my laptop, but it is so old, it is only compatible with XP. Anyway, I tried one last time to start it up, and YAY! It did! So I had an extra hour of this:

It was a nice surprise.

So, when I did head out to school, I sat through another lecture about this:

And then another lecture about this:

Then back to geobio AKA Paleontology for some of this:

And This:

And picking out this:

It was excruciating. Hours and hours of picking shells out of sand. Microscopic shells. And THEN we had to look through some thick textbooks to identify all the taxons we just found. And guess which detail oriented, good with small things person was really good at it? Me. Its a bad thing, trust me. I had to stay on the scope for, well, I started at one and ended at five. Four hours of diatoms and forams is painful.

Well, I went home. And made something like this:

And now I am getting ready for this:

Goodnight everyone!

Well that isn't very nice...

Confession

2009-04-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

I just read this: http://thewomenscolony.com/family-room/2009/4/19/feather-by-elizabeth-segrist.html over at the Colony and decided I had better come clean about a family pet situation of my own.

These pets:

We had them when we were living at Nana's. Remember, I was only six or so at the time. I think Lauren really wanted a dog, but mom got us each a fish instead. Mine was smaller and had more black on it. Lauren's was bigger and orange, it was also slow. I really wanted to have a pet I could PET, right? So... I tried to take my fish out to pet it. Now, I knew this was wrong and it couldn't breathe, but I vowed it would only be just this once. And I would only take it out and pet it a few seconds, then I would dump it back in...

Well, I stuck my hand into that fish bowl and tried to catch my small, dark, very fast little fish. And couldn't catch him. Lauren's fish, however, was large, bright, and slow... I proceeded to cuddle him a little, and drop him back in. For about three weeks. I even *dare I say it* BRUSHED the poor fellow with a comb. Which pretty much consisted of me setting the fish on the comb and dumping him back in. Now that I think about it, it was probably Nana's HAIR comb... I really hope you are laughing and not having some other reaction...

Anyway, I don't know if you remember how this story ended. Lauren's fish came to a comparatively speedy demise. I know it is mostly my fault, but he didn't die in my arms, he died while I was out. I even tried petting my fish after Lauren's was gone, but he was too darn fast to catch and lived an annoyingly long fish life.

And that is that. Lauren, I am sorry for killing your fish. Whew. Glad to get that one off my chest.

Miss California

2009-04-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

There is talk about a certain question ruining Miss California's chance to become Miss America. Perez Hilton asked, "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?"

And Carrie responded "Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman, No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman."

What a set-up, for one. No matter what she answered, it would have been controversial. And honestly, whether or not I agree with it, California just vetoed same-sex marriage. She was representing our state well I think. If she really lost the crown over this, popular opinion, I think that is wrong. Opinions are opinions, don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer.

Once upon a time

2009-04-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

This is a story using a famous first line from another book...

- Anne Tyler from Back When We Were Grownups "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person." The woman discovered this when she looked in the mirror today. Her eyes were wrinkled in the corners. Her smile was flat and vacant. Her windswept hair with more grey than she remembered. She pulled back her face, a move she had watched her mother do many years before today, and watched the wrinkles smooth. It comforted her to know that face was still in there, somewhere.

Someday, when she was young and fearless, she dreamt of being a model on a runway in Paris. She dreamt of becoming the greatest photographer for National Geographic. She dreamt of curing the flu. And of fame, and of brilliance. But today? Today she saw a woman. Just a woman. A woman who had accomplished a pile of dishes in the sink and moth holes in her favorite dress. The whistling wind grabbed her attention and pulled her toward the window.

Outside, the world looked grey, or was it just the sky. Wind was striking harder, like tiny pins prickling across her face, through her hair. The window croaked its objection as she shut the world out and sat in the comfy charcoal armchair. Another Oprah’s Book Club winner sat on her left, but today, she reached toward her right. A sepia tone picture in a painted silver frame stood collecting dust beneath the fading lamplight. She realized she had forgotten this picture.

It was a simple family photo. A grown man and cheery young faces stared into the darkness, not knowing their fates. She set it down, dust intact. Let them sit it peace, she thought and got up to look out the window again.

The neighbor’s houses were boarded up. The Johnson’s American flag flitted and fluttered aggressively in the breeze. It looked violent; until a basketball rolled and bounced merrily down the street. It jumped and flew and floated on the air. “My son would love that ball” was her only thought. She ran into the air and plucked the happy, circular orb from the sky. She knew she had not hit the ground, but it did not seem to matter. “I’m coming home, my dear.”

She let go of the ground, of gravity, of it all, and floated and twisted her way into the sky.

Mosaic of me!

2009-04-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

Here is my ME-zaic hehehe It's a mosaic of me...

Step 1: Go to flickr.com
Step 2: In another window open http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
Step 3: Choose 4 columns, 3 rows
Step 4: Answer the following questions in the search bar of flicker.
Pick your favorite one (picture) on the first page and paste the address into the mosaic maker (on bighugelabs) line.
Create the mosaic and then save it to your computer and post it.
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. Where do you want to be right now?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Favorite memory?
6. Dream vacation?
7. Favorite dessert?
8. What do you love most in life?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10.. Who is your celebrity crush?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your nickname.

Now remember you are making ART

Another cool thing I did was open each of ours in their windows and compared side-by-side. I just can't figure out what your favorite memory was Lauren...

Life in the slow lane

2009-04-15T20:00:00.001-07:00

image from flickr

Last night, when I was driving home from school, I had a terrible experience. I was going my usual 20 in a 25 (I'm not kidding) and I saw a car coming toward me in the other lane. No big deal, right? When this minivan decides to pull onto the road, that oncoming car was a big deal! I couldn't swerve into the other lane while this minivan pulled out. SO I did what my reflexes told me to and freaked out. This caused me to slam on the breaks and stop about one inch from this minivan. Or rather, he was one inch from me to my right. My passenger door was one inch away from making my car a total loss. I was shaking a bit, gripping the wheel, as I looked into the eyes of my attacker. He looked a bit like this...

A very young looking 16 year old, driving his mother's minivan. I started screaming, throwing my arms in the air, and drove away looking something like this...

But as I grumped in my car, I started thinking about when I was *cough* 17 *cough* and driving and... I am sorry to say that in high school... I was a terrible driver. Sorry to tell you Mom, but I was terrible. There are many occasions that I could have died or crashed or gotten into some severe fender bender. I remember a month or so after I started driving on my own, I knew that I had to stop before I turned right at a red light. So, I stopped, and went... And so did the cars that were turning left at a green light... That woman yelled and waved her arms so big, I will never forget to look for cars before I turn.

And then there was when the car behind me called the driving school to complain about my slow-ness.

So readers, I would like to think I taught that... kid... a lesson. LOOK BEFORE YOU TURN! It's a simple lesson, but one I think we need to be scared the bejesus into learning. Personally, I prefer to live life in the slow lane. Five under the speed limit. With my turn signal on a quarter mile before I turn. Zero tickets and counting.

Stops along Death Valley

2009-04-08T13:37:00.001-07:00

One of the stops was the dunes from below, but we had a few others as well.

This was a giant gorge cutting through the sedimentary rocks allowing us to "see through time".

We also stopped at these cool lava tubes.

And we got to climb inside.

It wasn't very long but there was an awesome skylight.

Another stop was the pup fish pool. This pool only exists because it is fed by an underground spring, and it is tiny!

There are only three pools left with these cool little fish that biologists study. They were at one point the same fish, but as Death Valley dried up, they evolved differently in these pools. Now only a few are left. I couldn't find the picture of the fish and spring, but here is us stopping for a group picture.

Lets see, where else...

This is the view from Zyzzx station where we stayed, and yes, this is another larger pup fish pool they maintain.

Kelso Dunes

2009-04-04T12:11:00.001-07:00

I have sooo many pictures from my Zyzzx trip.
This is us on the top of the big Kelso sand dunes.

And us climbing to the top of the 600ft dune...

Back flip off the dune...

Us lined up ready to jump...

And this is the path we took sliding/falling to the bottom of the dune.

It is a "singing dune"

The noise was cool, a very low note.

More pictures of places to come...

And I'm off

2009-03-27T08:59:00.001-07:00

Just thought I would tell you that I'm leaving. Wont be back until Wednesday! Hopefully I will have tons of pictures too!

Stress Management

2009-03-21T09:59:00.001-07:00

I am in a class this semester called stress management. I thought it would help me deal with stress better, I am starting to realize what this class really is. Let me start with what I have learned:

Diddly.

Oh I have learned a few things, like poor stress management can cause just about ALL of my health problems. I am pretty much a poster child for physical manifestations of stress. I also learned a lot about brain functions and enzymes (big whoop).

What I have not learned:

HOW TO MANAGE STRESS!

Last night was supposed to be the chapter on "interpersonal interventions", but we ran out of time. So instead of focusing on what we can do to better ourselves (all of two slides) we went through twenty slides and two videos on what abnormal conditions we can have from being overstressed.

Sigh.

How do you manage your stress levels?

Sicky

2009-03-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

And what a terrible week to be sick! I had two tests and a quiz to take and I will probably make it to one of the tests. Why stomach flu, Why this week? Why not last week, or over the weekend? I haven't eaten in three days. Yesterday I was able to keep down ginger ale and water, but not chicken broth (I was sick all last night from that). And I just can't think straight, or drive straight for that matter. So I will keep it short.

My friend Jim.

2009-03-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

Jim and I have a love hate relationship. I hate having to take time out of my day to spend with Jim, and I love losing weight. I also hate how I feel immediately after seeing Jim, but love how I feel after a few months. Yes, Jim is THE Jim. Russell and I have been trying to go at least three times a week. He has been hanging out with Jim since January and has lost eleven pounds already! I have been going for two weeks and have gained a pound. The horrors.

Another thing I hate about the gym is the people. Why do you feel the need to wear booty shorts/tanktops/not-even-in-your-dreams-is-that-really-a-tanktop/where is the other half of your outfit?/did you forget a shirt, or do you always work out in a bra? I mean, if you are trying to get stares from guys, you don't need to dress up. Trust me. I waddle my oversized t-shirted butt over to the rowing machine and every eye is on me.

And that's ANOTHER thing, why is the gym so gender sectinalized? The gym at SDSU has two weight rooms. One is sarcastically called the men's weight room (because the second you walk in, you notice everyone is always a dude) and the other is the mixed weight room, because only most of the people are dudes. And only certain machines are ever used by chicks. Why can't we use any machine we want? Oh yeah, the stares. Doesn't matter what you are wearing, ladies, you will get stared at at the gym.
Well I defy those stares and use whatever machines I want to use. I even had a guy stand next to me waiting to use an arm one, staring at me like, "Little girl, why are you using MY machine? Give up and go to the thigh machines like a good girl." No thanks. I continued to do three more sets until I was done. Then I watched him adjust the weight from a 2 to a 20 and sighed as he pulled the poundage with ease. I was struggling with 2! Gotta work on those arms...

So readers, do you know my friend gym? What do you hate/love about him?

I can has cheezeburger?

2009-03-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

I LOVE this website. Mom, if you are addicted to blogs (I admit I heart derfwad too) then I am addicted to this website.

I have to stop myself from checking it three times a day to see if any new pictures have been posted.

It is simply hilarious.

And it adds three of my favorite things:
Cats

Comedy

and uhh, more cats

Readers, and by readers I mean the two of you, what is your internet addiction?

So many children, so little time...

2009-03-13T09:59:00.001-07:00

In case you didn't know, I have five children. I know, I know, some of them have moved on and have their own lives now, but that doesn't mean they aren't my children anymore. Some are big, some are small, and I love them all! I just wanted those of you who may not have met my children to meet them today. I will start with the twins.

This is Sampson

He doesn't like to sit still, he did just turn *terrible* two after all.

And this hairy one is Laila.
She sits for pictures like a good girl.

They just celebrated their second birthday last month. Sam is my wild child, he is always beating up on poor Laila. Laila is very attached to her mother and is pretty much just a goodie four-shoes.

Next my Step-child, Helo. He is the middle child and by far the largest of my children. He might just be the smartest as well. He grows so fast that I don't have many recent pictures of him, but here is a sample of how fast he has grown. From this:

To this:

In the blink of an eye.

My other children who have already moved out to find their own lives are my two youngest. Queso and Biskit. Queso moved out with Heather and Biskit is living with a friend.

Tell me readers, why do children grow up so fast?

Edit: I finally got a picture of Helo recently. I think he is even bigger than the GSD picture above.

Ain't he adoribible?

Time for a re-vamp

2009-03-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have decided I need to start bloging on my blog. You know, what's up with me, my thoughts, my ideas, and my stories :) So, what's up with me?
School. Lots and lots of school.

I am enrolled in four geology classes, one biology lab, and Stress Management (which so far has not delivered on it's title). And it's a lot. Thank goodness it isn't as bad as last semester. I am going on a trip to Zzyzzx (z-I-z-icks)over spring break, its near vegas in the Mojave desert. So I should have lots of pictures of rocks and my infamous geo-buddies.

So off I go to my afternoon class tonight. Hopefully tonight I will learn to manage my stress :P

Geologist joke

2009-02-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

From my Engineering Geology Professor: Prof. Rockwell

A group of Geologists and a group of engineers are boarding a train. The engineers have each bought their tickets, and notice that the group of geologists only bought one ticket! The engineers think they will have a good laugh once the ticket taker comes by.

When the geologists see the ticket taker they hurry and jam themselves into one of the bathrooms. The ticket guy sees that the stall is occupied, knocks on the door, and says "ticket please!" The geologists slip their one ticket under the door. The engineers thought that was a great trick.

On the way back home, the engineers buy their one ticket, but notice the geologists didn't buy a single ticket! Now how do they expect to not get kicked off the train?

The ticket guy comes by again and the engineers pile into one bathroom. The geologists pile into the other bathroom, but one geologist stays behind. This geologist walks up to the engineer's bathroom, knocks, and says "ticket please!"

The moral of the story: Engineers like to use geologist's techniques, but they don't always know how they are going to turn out.

Launch of a New Pastime

2008-12-30T09:52:00.000-08:00

With the coming of my last semester of school (but first three weeks of glorious nothingness) I thought I would start a blog. So Hello world wide web, here I am!

I'm not sure what this blog will turn into. I'm hoping to post some of my stories and things that I am doing in my life. To begin this experiment in posting, I will post a short story I wrote for my creative writing class this past semester.

Lucky Thirteen

I remember smelling the antiseptic-and-bedpan stench that can only be described as “hospital” before I even opened my eyes. If they’d been open, they would have rolled in their sockets. I can’t believe my parents did this to me again. Why couldn’t they let me take a shower in peace? I thought I would have a good half an hour by the time they found me, and I would be dead by then. Instead I’m here. Rehab. Even the word sounds discouraging.

I guess I should have been more sympathetic to Mom and Roger as they sobbed goodbye over a clipboard checking me in. Stop crying! For fuck’s sake, it’s two weeks! The words dribbled out of my mouth as soon as I thought them. And she crumpled into Roger like a cat dying under a bush. I watched as he led her down the blue tiled hallway, out the fingerprinted glass door, and into the blinding daylight. She was desperately clutching the corner of his coat. It reminded me of those sad kids on leashes. Oh, they can try to disguise them as some sort of cute monkey backpack, but when you’re holding one end and they have no choice but to follow, it’s a leash. Who the fuck puts their kid on a leash anyway.

I started waking from my daydream as the person next to me started speaking. I had been staring at that cheap Ingraham clock on the cream colored wall for fifty seven minutes now. “I’m Angela and this is my fourth time in rehab.” Four times? Holy shit. “I guess I just don’t see the point of living anymore.” She shrugged her shoulders in a non-committal sort of way, and looked at me. They were all looking at me. In fact, they had been looking at me during Angela’s introduction. What? Am I fucking funny looking? A sign on my forehead saying look at the new girl?

I stared very hard at a brown stain on the tacky orange carpet. I liked thinking it was a blood stain. I pictured myself standing up, pulling a gun out of my shirt, and putting it to my head. My only regret would be not seeing the agonized looks on my group’s faces as my body fell in slow motion to the floor. ““Um, well, my name is Roz.” What the fuck was I supposed to say next? “And I’m not sure why I’m here.” What did it matter what I told them, it wasn’t going to change anything.

I tried to put my best I’m-done-talking-now face on, but it didn’t stop the group psychologist from asking: “Well why do you think you’re here?”

Because my parents think they can fix me by sending me away. “I dunno. I guess my parents think I have a problem.”

She wasn’t going to quit. “Do you think you have a problem?”

I looked up from the blood stain on the floor slowly to gain some dramatic effect. She was a small woman, blonde, maybe thirty. She was wearing the type of red rimmed glasses girls wear when they want to look smart. Her frizzy hair was pulled back into a tight bun, but the mane was still sticking out in a halo around her head. It was like she was trying to gain some control, but that frizz just wouldn’t cooperate. I guess that thought made me say “Yeah. I’m alive and I want to be dead. So fuck off and let me go home already.” A woman who can’t even control her hair can’t control me. I heard a few of the kids snicker so I smiled wickedly beneath my slanted eyes.

“I think we’ve had enough group discussion for our first night, but I would like to talk to you after dinner Rosalie.” Ugh, my full name, didn’t I just tell that bitch my name was Roz. As she started to talk about roommates and room assignments, I let my eyes drift to the orange curtained window. The last rays of summer sun were disappearing as I turned to follow the others for dinner.

Dinner had been pretty horrible. Not the food so much, my mother never did learn the fine art of the stove. It was horrible because the people in this place are so dramatic. I pictured the conversations at another table: I’m so attention starved I could just cut myself with this fucking plastic knife right now! Look everybody, I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna fucking do it! Someone stop me before I embarrass myself because I know this plastic isn’t going to cut meatloaf let alone my skin! It’s a fucking high school dramarama. Everyone wanted to talk to everyone. I tried to keep to myself and after a few Fuck off’s they got the hint. I ate fast. I was looking forward to getting to my room and having some quiet. Maybe if I was already asleep, I wouldn’t have to talk to that counselor tonight.

I fell into the bed and put the pillow over my head. I briefly thought about just pushing it farther down on my face. Feel a last rush of air from my lungs and give up on breathing ever again. But that was a stupid thought. I would pass out before I actually died and wouldn’t be able to keep the necessary pressure to finish the deed.

Rolling over. Staring at the wall. Feeling bored, no restless. I wish I would have brought an ipod. I wish I had an ipod to bring. I guess I will just have to endure playing songs in my head. The dark shadows on the spackled wall swam in front of my unblinking eyes. I could hear talking in the hallway, oh great more fucked up people becoming fast friends with other fucked up people. I shuffled through band names in my head. I settled on Elliot Smith, pretty appropriate for this shit hole. I tried to empty my head and pour the first song in. Put this picture into you and me. Burn it backwards kill this history. Think it over, make it go away. Maybe I could die like Elliot, a kitchen knife to the heart. A heart so broken it won’t even protect itself anymore.

It’s a picture perfect evening and I’m staring down the sun. Fully loaded; deaf and dumb and done. Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head, or any situation where I’m better off than dead. He advanced slowly into the sunlit room. His feet were careful; his face more familiar than breathing. I tried to say hello, to run to him and jump into his big teddy bear arms, but I couldn’t move. I was too scared. I had been hiding in the closet of the study ever since I heard their most recent fight. They usually fought like howling cats, out for the other’s blood, but today they didn’t. Today only my mother spoke. She was calm and determined. He was looking at the floor not saying a word. The tension in the kitchen was primed to snap, but it didn’t break in that room. I ran in here when the word Divorce echoed through my head like a gunshot. He blocked the sunlight as he stumbled past the slightly ajar closet door and into the bathroom. I heard him cry and I cried with him. We cried and cried for what felt like hours. When the sobs stopped, I worried. It was as though someone else’s hand reached to open the bathroom door. I resisted, I knew what was on the other side. Pulling the door open I saw his feet first, pointing their toes to the sky. Then I saw the blood, my father’s blood. A scream erupted from my lips.

My eyes flung open at the sound. I don’t know how long I had been asleep, but I was suddenly determined to never sleep again. I hugged the bed, lying as still as I could while someone came in. She was trying to be quiet, maybe trying not to wake me, but I felt the air cool my face as she tip-toed by. “I thought I didn’t have a roommate.” If only I had been so lucky. But I had been told that by some fluke chance my roommate wouldn’t be coming to this session.

“That’s usually my bed.” Angela. Great, the girl who never dies is my roommate. How encouraging. She had said in group today that she’s tried to kill herself four times now. Why can’t she fucking die already. I bet she slammed the door on purpose; trying to wake me up and get back to her usual place in this hell. I didn’t want to risk closing my eyes again so I stared at the wall. I was pretending to go back to sleep when I noticed something interesting on that bumpy surface.

“Did you write this?” I looked at her sharply, snapping my hazel eyes forward to look into hers, but she looked down.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you are talking about.” She was a bad liar. Probably helped her parents find her when she was trying to off herself. Fucking parents.

Right there next to my head was scratched in tiny letters: Next time you kill yourself, make sure you die. I’ll make sure next time. “So I take it you aren’t leaving that bed?” The tone in her voice was nostalgic, like the fight for the bed was already just a memory.

“Nope, I’m pretty comfy here.” The writing on the wall was too encouraging to give up. It was assuring me that I could do a better job than her next time and actually die.

“So, why are you here?” She sounded genuinely interested, which is something I’m not used to hearing. The springs squeaked a painful melody as she jumped into her new bed.

“Fuck off.” Well, it had worked in the past to get people off my back. But I said it a little too reluctantly for it to be effective. Maybe it was the silence that ensued which made me roll over to look at her.

“Well that wasn’t too difficult. Now you are going to tell me what your story is. Why are you in here?” Fuck, this girl was weird. She had a wispy look to her, definitely what you would expect from a girl trying to off herself. Petite, pale, un-brushed hair, wearing whatever smock drew the least attention to the fact that she was a girl, but her eyes were the giveaway. There was just something hollow to them. Where most people’s eyes were a kaleidoscope of shades, hers were only brown. Flat brown. No depth of color at all. It was creepy. She set her mouth in a patent, impassive line and waited for me to speak. At the moment I wanted anything, but to have to look at her. I took a sudden interest in the ceiling.

“My boyfriend died.” I lied. It was much easier than telling the truth. My support, my comfort, my soul had left me for another girl. She didn’t speak. I thought I had made it obvious that I was done with my story. “Er, so why are you here?”

“My parents found me cutting myself in the bathroom.” Her eyes darted up from the floor for an instant, then back to the tile.

“Yeah, I forgot to lock the door too.” Very stupid mistake on my part. I made a mental note not to forget again.

“So why are you really here?” Damn. Was I going to have to tell her the truth? The thought of saying it out loud sickened me. The ceiling swam with little black dots which made me realize I had not been breathing. I pulled in a thick gasp of air before I could tell myself not to, maybe I could have held my breath until I passed out. Well, that breath did more harm than good in my opinion because it left enough air for truth to slip out.

“He didn’t die. He left me.” I thought about this for a moment and decided to clarify who I was talking about. “My boyfriend I mean. He’s a lying, cheating sonofabitch.” I glanced her way to catch a reaction, but there was none. She sat just a still as before, legs dangling from the side of the hospital bed frame like a rag doll. She was a rag doll, just a harmless play thing to which I was confessing. It made it a little easier to talk to an inanimate object. “I gave him my fucking virginity and he cheated on me.”

She giggled.

“Why the hell are you giggling at that?” I sat up in bed and turned to face her sarcastic smile. I was really more curious than I was angry, how could I get angry at someone so small and pathetic?

“It’s just the way you said fucking virginity. What other kind is there?” She smiled a little wider. I tried to give her a disapproving frown, but couldn’t quite make it genuine.

“Ok, well if you’re going to start laughing at my story at least give me a chance to laugh at yours.” I folded my arms to tell her I was done. I was glad for the excuse, I really don’t know what I was going to say next. My father took the easy way out of his problems, why couldn’t I? Or how about Everyone leaves me, so I wanted to leave first this time?

“I still haven’t found a reason to stay alive. Why should I continue to suffer, when there is an easier alternative?” Simple enough and also true. Why do we continue to live in the shithole world when we could just as easily be free of it? Then again, if it is so easy to leave, why am I still here?

“So why are you still here then, if there is such an easy alternative?”

“I think I sabotage myself. I don’t really want to die; I just want a reason to stay. I mean, I’ve failed twelve times now. That should say something about my drive.” Twelve times? Well, I guess her parents didn’t need to send her here after every attempt.

“Yeah, twelve times failed is a pretty bad record.” She smiled again, a real smile. It was different than her usual upturned line. Her head tilted upward just a little and her eyes gave a slight, for lack of a better word, twinkle.

“I don’t know, thirteen is my lucky number.” Hope looked strange on her face. It looked more like triumph, like she was glowing.

“Man, you really are fucked up.” There was a knock on the door. The frizzy haired counselor opened the door, flooding the room with light. I felt like I was being drowned in it, I shielded my eyes.

“I’m ready to see you for that talk.” She looked me right in the eyes, staring me down. I think she was expecting me to run out of the room screaming or something.

Just to prove her wrong, I got up and headed out the door without a second glance. “Later Angela.”

She had stopped in the doorway, halfway between the darkness of the room and the orange carpeted hallway. “How did you know Angela?” She tilted her head slightly to the right and the frizzy halo waved with it.

“She’s my fucking…” The word roommate didn’t come out of my mouth like I was expecting. Something about the way she said did sunk into my brain. I quickly glanced into the empty room before following my counselor down the hall.